Chez Madeleine

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

women

Women. You can't live with them, and you can't live without them. Ehem. Actually, I can't live with them and I can't live with them. They're my mother, my sister, and my friends.

When I think about my relationships, the ones I've had with women are the most complicated and the most rewarding, and the most risky.

Tonight, I was betrayed by a friend. Someone who I had opened up to, who I had shared everything with. Someone who knew me inside and out. The friend who said, "don't call him when you're feeling mad or sad--call me. tell me those things. he's not worth it. I'll listen and I'll field your screaming pain, and I'll understand." and I did. I told her everything. My worst fears come true. The things you only tell your diary. And I told her.

And she took those pieces of me, and she shared them with him, and she betrayed me. She holed up with him on a couch somewhere, curled up like we used to, and they whispered about me and laughed about me. And in that moment she took me and flushed me down the toilet. She is the kind of woman who actually thinks that men change. She thinks that he treated me like "this", but that he'll treat her differently. That he only acted that way because of me. But that she'll be different. She's willing to sacrifice a friendship to find out the hard way that that never happens. That he'll never change.

And then there are other women. The kind that tell me that I'm worth a thousand of her. The kind who take their crappy days, and their crappy relationships and put them aside to sit with me and listen to me cry, and moan, and complain, and weep, and scream. The kind who say "I know exactly how you feel. And its not crazy. And we love you anyway."

And that's the difference. There are women make you proud to be women, and there are those who you file away with old tax returns and receipts and buttons for clothes you will never repair.

We all know women like this. And most of us are damn lucky to know the difference. Take the ones who you know are true, and love them to death, and tell them how lucky you are to have them. I will do that. I will never make a mistake in telling the difference again.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't know you, but enjoy your writing, and these last 2 post have my heart breaking for you. Please hang in there, and listen to those wonderful friends of yours.

11:02 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

this too shall pass. I am sure of it. thank you for reading, and posting, and listening to my ramblings. Its very theraputic...and I am so lucky to have such incredible friends. thank you....

1:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah, as one of your friends, who I believe makes you proud to be a woman, I can say that you are truly one of the most amazing women in my life! I am sorry that you are going through something so horribly painful right now but I know you will emerge on the other side stronger, more resiliant and better for having gone through it. Please know I will put aside everything to sit and listen to you like I did this morning over some extremely yummy breakfast. I am so lucky (and blessed) to have you!

6:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You weren't betrayed by a friend dear one for a friend doesn't betray. In the end we are our own best friends.

"This above all: to thine own self be true." ~ Hamlet

Unc Jack

4:18 PM  
Blogger klkatz said...

Sarah,
I think Rocky Balboa said it best

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very rough, mean place.
And no matter how tough you think you are it will always bring you to your knees and keep you there. Permanently if you let it.
You, or nobody ain't never gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit.
It's about how hard you can get hit. And keep moving forward. How much you can take. And keep moving forward.
If you know what your worth. Go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit."

Maybe I'm in a Philly mood with anticipation of the move, but I can't think of more inspiring words to give you now.

Keep moving forward.

10:52 PM  
Anonymous empathizing neighbor said...

Indeed they do NOT change. Their surroundings do, but their ways do not. Move on, don't look back - you WILL turn into a pillar of salt!

It's amazing - you really CAN tell what kind of man you are dealing with in the very first 5 minutes of meeting them. Don't ignore the road signs. ;)

4:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

be positive

3:33 PM  

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